As if life doesn't throw you enough stress, when you are diagnosed with kidney cancer just tops the stress chart! The minute my urologist confirmed that I did indeed have kidney cancer, my life changed forever. I will never forget the feeling I felt...It felt like someone punched me in the stomach and I couldn't breathe. I was staring straight at my urologist and he must have seen the shock in my eyes, he immediately said he would give me and my husband a few minutes...My husband was equally shaken. He told me he felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under him. He was terrified he was going to lose me. It was the for worse of the better or worse scenario from our marriage vows.
The drive home from the urologist office was a tearfest...It was so hard to comprehend that I had kidney cancer at age 40. I decided that day that being 40 offically sucked lol. I remember it was a snowy day and when we got home it was almost time for ours boys to get home from school. The phone rang just as the boys walked in...It was our neighbor Nancy wanting us to know the boys had been in a friendly snowball fight with her son and he was crying because he got some snow in his eye...I was so upset that all I could think of was, "Tell him to suck it up because I have cancer!" lol Of course I didn't say that, I apologized with my voice shaking and sent the boys down to her house to apologize to her son.
Cancer invokes many emotions...I remember after my surgery, I had sent my husband home for the night to get some sleep and I just sat in my hospital bed and just cried...Sometimes a good cry really does help! I remember looking across the hall and a lil old lady in her room must have seen me because she gave a little supportive wave. Thank God for good people...
I remember my friends Scarlet & Charlotte came to visit me after my surgery. It was so nice to see them both and to talk about something else other than my surgery. Cancer scares alot people but Scarlet and Charlotte were both there to support me and help me get through it all, I could not ask for better friends. Cancer equally shook my husband and kids. My husband was my rock through it all and the kids reminded me every day that cancer was not going to win this battle.
Even today almost 4 years later, I have my moments...When Farrah Faucett was in her late stages of cancer and showed her public struggle on tv...I cried like a baby. When Patrick Swayze lost his brave battle with cancer, again waterworks. There was a guy at work that passed away after a long battle with a brain tumor and I went home and cried. Once you have had cancer it just seems so personal....
I wish I could say there was a formula to get through it all but of course there isn't...I can say that staying positive helps and even keeping a sense of humor helps. As crazy as that seems, it is true. When the urologist told me it was time to wheel me in for my surgery, I looked at him and said, "Let's get this party started." I think that is the only time before my surgery I had ever seen him smile...After my surgery, I was in recovery for about 4 hours because the hospital was so full they were waiting on a empty bed. The nurse told me they had a bed in the maternity ward and I remember saying, "Can I get a quieter location please?" lol "No offense...But been there, done that!" I remember my sons visiting me and thinking how cool the whole IV thing was! They were completely in awe of the morphine drip fed to me through a small tube! I think if they could have taken me to Show & Tell at school, they would have! lol
Lastly, I now go every December for my annual CATSCAN to check for any reoccurence. I hope I can send out the text message I did last year every year-Kim 3 Cancer 0.
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